The elephant in the room
by Sapphire1112
Summary: Two-parter. Sam resorts to desperate measures to find out Connie's secret. I do not own the characters.
1. Chapter 1

I see Connie arrive from across the car park and we quickly move out of sight. A young man comes running past her.

"Late!" He yells, looking back at her. "Second shift. I'll apologize later!"

He must be the new F1 – I've heard about him on the grapevine. Apparently, Connie wasn't very impressed with him.

"Well, thank goodness, it's not your _mother_ this time!" She retorts dryly.

The F1 runs back to her – apologizing profusely. "Oh, _about that,_ Mrs Beauchamp – a _1,000 million_ sorries..."

"Are you late?" she remarks – reminding him of the rush he was in just a few moments earlier.

"I will be in one minute." He tells her brightly, checking his wristwatch.

"Keep running." She answers pointedly as he charges into the ED – almost knocking over everyone he meets.

Grace and I follow Connie at a safe distance, pulling our base ball caps down.

"I still don't get _why_ we have to do this!" She grumbles at me.

" _Shh_ " I respond, pulling her down into a seat near enough Connie's office to get a good view. I pull a folded newspaper out of my back pocket and open it up in front of us to fuhrer hide our faces.

Grace looks less than impressed. " _Seriously,_ Dad? - a newspaper? That is _so_ not you!" She whispers behind it.

I peer over and see that Ethan is in Connie's office – looking shifty. Connie arrives at the door and looks at him for an explanation.

" _Someone knows!_ " I hear him hiss at her.

"About?" I see through the window that he is holding out some kind of note for her to read. I can't see what's on it myself, but Connie looks _worried_. She goes into the office and closes the door. I can't hear any more, but I can see through the window that they're deep in discussion as she takes her coat off. I can't help noticing that she looks _thinner_ than the last time we saw her, and she looks tired – _weary_.

After she sits down in her chair, Ethan's mood seems to change slightly. I can tell from their expressions, that _she_ seems indifferent about something – and _he_ doesn't understand why. She suddenly seems to lose patience with him and throws her hands up, but Charlie chooses that moment to walk past and I have to duck to avoid being seen. He knocks on her office door and she admits him into her office without really looking up.

"Yes, Charlie?"

Charlie goes in to announce the gunshot patient that's on it's way in. Connie picks up her stethoscope as he leaves. She closes her eyes for a minute as she turns in her chair.

"I'll go and prepare resus." Ethan tells her.

"Yeah...you do that" Connie murmurs in agreement – still with her eyes closed. I can't be _certain_ , but it looks like she's struggling to get up.

Grace and I both duck down again as Connie walks past us. I shake my head at Grace as she looks at me hopefully, and mouth _'not yet'._ She sighs.

Connie directs the paramedics to a bed in resus. I fold up the newspaper and we follow, pulling our caps down. We find a new place to sit outside resus and resume our position behind the newspaper as they go in.

"Absent breath on the right – sorry, _left_ side..." I hear Connie say – strange. She doesn't normally make mistakes like that. The doors to resus are useful – they swing as people go in and out...and my ears are _keen_.

" _Do you really think you should be doing this?_ " Ethan whispers and my interest is caught, so I turn around. Connie is examining the gunshot patient for an exit wound and she has her back to us.

" _As the most competent consultant in the hospital – yes, I do._ " Whatever she thinks, Connie Beauchamp's ego is _definitely_ as big as mine.

" _I don't think you're fit to_ _practise._ " Ethan whispers again. Ethan Hardy is playing a dangerous game and I'm more than a little surprised that Connie is _allowing_ him to speak to her like that. If I'm honest, she's allowing his to speak to her the way I do. I thought she reserved that tone _especially for me_ and I can't help feeling a little bit of jealously for the younger man – but Ethan clearly knows something I don't.

" _Oh, well, it's a little bit late for medical ethics._ " She responds icily – suggesting that she too knows something about him that I'm not a party to. She suddenly gasps and crouches down, gripping the edge of the bed – as though she's in pain and can't quite breathe normally – and it makes me wonder whether Ethan is right to question her capability at the moment.

Ethan tries a gentler approach and I hear him whisper, " _You're not well, Mrs Beauchamp_." as Charlie appears next to him with the equipment she asked for.

It's not clear whether Charlie heard Ethan, or not, but Connie is still crouched in an unusual position by the bed – still gripping the edge for support and the last thing I hear before the doors shut properly is Charlie's voice. "Connie, are you alright?"

I see her stand up again and make the assumption that she's told him she's 'fine' as she usually does – because he gives her an unconvinced look before handing her the implement she asked for. _She's not fine, but Connie Beauchamp doesn't do anything other than 'fine'._ Connie seems to have taken Ethan's words on board though, because when she takes the implement off Charlie, she immediately hands it to Ethan. Charlie gives her a concerned look as she turns her back on them and struts out off resus pulling her gloves off. She's accepted defeat for once.

We have to duck down again as she sits down opposite us – not that I think she'd notice us anyway. She seems completely lost in her own world at the moment. I press my finger firmly to my lips to tell Grace that no matter how much she wants to run over and hug her Mum – she can't. Not Yet. _There's an elephant in the room – and I need to find out what it is._

Grace is clearly finding it hard being so near her Mum when she looks so sad - and not being able to comfort her – or even tell her we're there. She's getting fed up with playing hide and seek, but it's necessary.

I don't know how long Connie sits there for, but eventually, Robyn comes out of the resus side bay.

She looks surprised to see Connie sat there and hesitates slightly. "Erm...Mrs Beauchamp?"

"Yeah..." I hear Connie answer reluctantly and she slowly gets up to follow Robyn into the side bay. Unlike in the main resus, Robyn shuts the door properly behind them, so I can't hear anything – and from our position, I can't really see into the side bay either. All we can do for now is wait.

The door opens again and I hear Robyn as they come out. "Sorry, Mrs Beauchamp – are we not going to call her GP?"

"Why?" Connie responds vaguely. There is definitely _something_ playing on her mind and she isn't totally focused.

"Well, her wrists – aren't we going to get _involved_?" Robyn presses her.

"It's clearly a historic and possibly self-inflicted injury that bears no relevance to today's injury." Connie states, matter-of-fact. "We don't investigate _every_ patient."

"It'd be nice if we could though." Robyn suggests.

"Well, give her a leaflet." Connie responds and Robyn looks slightly put-out by her cold answer.

Connie walks off and, unfortunately, Charlie and Ethan choose this moment to stand in front of us to have a discussion about the gunshot patient, so following Connie is impossible, without us being noticed. We hear the patient from the side bay being taken away and brought back again – presumably to have a scan. As Charlie and Ethan finally exhaust their conversation and depart, Connie reappears and goes back into the side bay.

"Right, let's get her transferred to cubicles, once her wrist is x-rayed." I hear her tell Robyn when she comes back out.

"Yeah...the guys found her phone in the back of the ambulance." Robyn answers, pointing to it.

Connie picks it up, looking thoughtfully towards the side bay. "Let's chase up her records." She murmurs, clearly concerned about her patient.

" _Sure_." Robyn answers.

Connie sees Robyn smiling at her and snaps out of her maternally charged trance. "What?" She retorts to the smiling nurse.

Robyn beams. " _You're getting involved._ " Connie looks surprised and possibly a bit touched by Robyn's obvious delight at the slight softening of her boss's usually hard-shelled demeanour.

This time we are able to follow Connie back to her office and luckily our previous seats are free.

"Dad – there are police officers _everywhere!_ We are going to get done for _stalking_ in a minute!" Grace hisses as we sit behind our newspaper again.

" _Shush._ " I answer and she lets out an annoyed sigh.

"We're going to get arrested for stalking _Mum!_ " She mutters irritably.

I ignore her. I'm much to concerned about Connie at the moment to be worried about the possibility of being arrested for 'stalking' her. I can see her sat bent over her desk and she doesn't look well at all. Eventually, she goes to get up – but appears to be having trouble again and then Robyn knocks on her door, so she temporarily gives up the attempt.

"I checked Ocean Reynold's previous attendance's..."

 _Ocean?!_ Seriously?

"What kind of a name is _that_?" Grace mutters to me, matching my thoughts exactly.

"Yeah, go on..." Connie eventually answers – though it seems to take her rather a long time.

"There's nothing – not under _that_ name." Ethan walks past and we hide our faces again. "Are you _ok_?" I hear Robyn hesitantly ask Connie. I peer over again. Connie looks as though she's going to pass out, but she doesn't.

" _I'm fine._ " She mutters firmly in response to Robyn's question. She nods at her to leave. "Thank you, Staff nurse Miller." She's clearly _not_ fine, but Robyn leaves – seemingly satisfied that her boss is just having a bad day.

Ethan goes into the office. "You don't _look_ 'fine'." He retorts before closing the door. He seems to be having a go at her about something – probably the fact that obviously trying to pretend that whatever's going on with her – _isn't_. His words from earlier reverberate around my head.

 _'I don't think you're fit to practise...You're not we_ _l_ _l, Mrs Beauchamp...Do you really think you should be doing this?..._ '

They seem to be having a heated discussion about something, but Grace stands up, blocking them from my view. She pulls her cap down and pulls at my arm. "Come on, Dad – we have to go for lunch _before_ Mum does – and I'm _starving!_ " She whispers. I nod and off we go to the canteen. Grace still looks pretty fed-up of the hiding, but at least she seems to _understand_ why we're doing it now.

We narrowly avoid being recognised in the lunch queue – and by by the canteen staff serving us, but somehow we get away with it and sit at a back table, out of the way.

"What's _wrong_ with her?" Grace whispers, sounding concerned. "I know she _said_ she's fine, but she _obviously not_ – and other people are noticing it too – not _just_ Charlie."

"I don't know, sweetheart – but now do you understand why we're doing this? If she won't tell _Charlie_ what's wrong, she _certainly_ won't tell us – especially over the phone. You know what she's like – _she thinks she's 'wonder woman' and can handle everything by herself_."

Grace nods. "Well, at least Ethan is giving her a talking to – he seems to know something."

"Yes." I agree. "Hopefully, he can get through to her – or maybe we can later."

Grace shuffles in her seat slightly. "Dad...we're not going to just... _go_ – are we? We _are_ going to see Mum – tell her we're here?"

"Yes – we'll catch her at the end of her shift, darling – _I promise._ " I answer reassuringly. "I just need to see a bit more first, ok?"

We are almost seen again in the corridor outside the canteen on our way out – by Connie herself and Ethan on their way to lunch, but just as she's about to spot us, Connie grabs the wall and leans against it, trying to catch her breath.

It's all Grace and I can do to stop ourselves from reaching out for her, but Ethan automatically puts his arm out to steady her. " _Easy._ "

" _I'm fine._ " She hisses, pushing his arm away.

He sighs. "Mrs Beauchamp..."

" _No._ " She mutters in a firm voice. "I told you before, Ethan – I'm going to do this my _own_ way. I _won't_ let it take over... _I need to work._ " She adds in a strained voice – through gritted teeth. "It's the _only_ thing I have left."

"You know she didn't mean it _like that_." I whisper to Grace after they go into the canteen. It's _not_ what Connie meant, but I'm aware that it might sound to Grace as if her Mum doesn't think she matters.

"I know _exactly_ how she means it, Dad." Grace answers rudely, shaking my arm off. "We moved to America without _properly_ saying 'goodbye'. Mum _thinks_ that we don't _really_ want her... _Surely you can see that?_ " She adds to me in a slightly accusing voice.

I don't know what to say. Gracie's sharp and _painfully_ truthful answer has taken me by surprise. It was a very grown-up response and I didn't realise she saw it like that. I cruelly told her that it had been her Mum's idea for Grace to live with me in America and she still believes that – she never once questioned me over it, though from time to time, my guilty conscience makes me wish that she _had_. But rather than seeing it as rejection from her Mother, as I had initially intended, she sees it as a huge sacrifice on Connie's behalf to make her daughter happy.

I was wrong to take her like that. There is _no excuse_ for my behaviour. I acted immaturely and spitefully towards the woman I love - and _I do love her,_ but a few months ago, I was childishly angry at her for _continually_ pretending that she didn't want me – _didn't love me,_ _when I knew she did,_ and I was stupidly smug because Grace had _chosen_ to continue living with me rather than going back to her Mum, as Connie had hoped for. I made a reckless decision out of bitterness, just to get back at Connie.

 _I was brutal and it makes me wonder whether Connie is the better parent after all._


	2. Chapter 2

Our seat by Connie's office is occupied when we get back – but of course, she isn't in there anyway. The seat by resus is still free though, so we sit there again. Actually, I'm _slightly_ surprised that no one has tried to question us, but the ED is a busy place and although there's a heavy police presence today with the gunshot patient, they've all got other things on their mind, so maybe that's why we've been overlooked.

When Connie reappears, she goes into the side bay again and before she shuts the door behind her, I her Robyn's voice.

"...I don't even like prawns!" She exclaims before asking Connie, "Did you get Grace christened?"

Connie shuts the door at that point and I don't get to hear her answer – though I suspect she didn't give one. She never used to answer questions like that. Anyway, it isn't long before Robyn comes out of the side bay and leaves Connie and the patient to it.

A few minutes later, however, the afore-mentioned 'Ocean' bolts from the side bay – closely followed by an indignant remark from Connie. " _Where are you going?_ " - and then Connie herself, who struts past us, calling after her 'escaped' patient with a resigned, " _Excuse me..._ "

"What was _that_ about?" Grace sniggers. She jumps to her feet and pulls her cap down. "Come on!"

The patient glances around frantically, then suddenly makes a bee-line for Connie's office. Connie purposely follows, closing the door behind her and we drop down into the seats there – which are once again vacant.

"What happened to 'trying not to get arrested'?" I comment at Grace from behind the paper.

She stifles a giggle. "I know – but this is _exciting_!"

I suppose it is for someone Grace's age – and for a minute, I can almost convince myself that when Connie looked so ill before – she just needed to eat something, but it doesn't take long for my doctor instincts kick in and deep down, I know there's something else – _something bad_. They remain in her office for sometime. Connie has her back to the window, but I can tell from her posture, that she _isn't_ impressed and even when – at times, the patient's facial expressions and body language become slightly menacing – Connie's superior stance never falters. Eventually though, the patient appears to calm down – taking a seat on the sofa and Connie's position becomes gentler – suggesting that she sympathises with the patient.

We duck as Connie's door opens and she shuts behind her, asking a nurse to make sure that the patient 'doesn't leave her office'. She struts straight past us and we follow her out into the car park – where the horror is evident on her face, at finding Ethan there speaking to a police officer. She _almost_ breaks into a run – which I have to say, most people would find nigh on impossible in the heels she wears.

Connie gives Ethan a terrified glance, before wedging herself between the two them. She stands in front of Ethan protectively and he glances around behind her – a mixture of relief and sadness etched on his face.

Connie addresses the policewoman – with another nervous glance at Ethan. "Excuse me – _sorry_."

"Sorry – can I help?" the woman asks.

"Mr Hayes – he said someone _phoned_ him?" Connie asks – though she clearly knows the answer already.

"Yes." The policewoman confirms. "My officers are trying to trace her."

"Right, well, there's no need – I think she's in my office." Connie informs her. The policewoman briskly heads back inside with her uniformed officers. Connie turns to Ethan with the same terrified expression she had earlier. " _Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid!_ " She practically _begs_ of him.

He sighs and shakes his head in a slightly shell-shocked manner, before leaving her stood looking startled as well as relieved.

" _Quickly, Dad!_ " Grace hisses as Ethan goes past and we hurry back to the seat outside Connie's office – only to find that it's now occupied. Connie struts back in – all trace of fear and uncertainty now hidden again. We quickly turn to examine the posters on the wall.

"I thought she was being _watched!_ " The policewoman exclaims at Connie accusingly – upon finding that her office is both open and empty.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Connie throw her hands up in the air. "Well, you see – I work for the NHS, _not the police_!" She retorts.

"That was a _brilliant_ response, Mum!" Grace giggles in a whisper as Ethan helpfully states that Ocean Reynolds is probably long gone by now.

Connie stares around and then suddenly appears to have an idea. She very purposely walks off – in _our direction_ , and for a moment, I think she's seen us, but she walks straight past and everyone else follows – so we do too. _It's like a game of follow-the-leader!_

The seat outside resus is also occupied now, so we take to examining the posters on that wall instead.

" _What would happen if I pulled this tube_?" Ocean asks threateningly.

"You don't want to do that. Ocean, this has gone _too far_!" Connie answers as Charlie closes the door behind them. They don't want to scare the other patients.

Eventually, Ocean is escorted out and back into the side bay under police guard. 'Mr Hayes' – the patient she was threatening has gone downhill, it seems. Ethan is doing some kind of urgent intervention with help from Jacob and Charlie. Connie is just standing at the end of the bed, watching. A nurse comes out and the door swings back and forth for a minute.

"I need your help." Ethan implores of Connie.

"I don't think you do, Ethan." She replies, a little sadly. " _Ok?_ "

He nods his understanding. She has total confidence in his ability. She's telling him that he's a good doctor and he needs to believe that himself. It's time to trust his own instincts rather than hers.

"Come on, Dad." Grace whispers. "I think the other seat is free now – I saw those people leave before."

I nod, so we head back to the other seat and wait. Eventually, Connie goes past and I get up to follow, but Grace pulls me back down, shaking her head.

"I think we should stay _here_ now, Daddy. The police are milling and Mum finishes her shift soon anyway. We've seen what we needed to see." She explains sensibly. "Besides," She comments gesturing at her Mum who's heading in the direction of the toilets. " _You can't follow her into the ladies – how suspicious will that look?!_ "

When Connie returns, it's clear that she's been crying. Ethan is standing at the desk opposite her office and watches her go in. She puts her coat on and comes out again, locking it up behind her. It seems that Ethan's noticed that she's been crying too, because when the policewoman tries to speak to him, he makes his excuses and hurries after Connie instead. He catches up with her and we follow behind, keeping our heads down.

Connie sniffs. "That moment when you lie in bed...and you don't have to think." She whispers. " _I want that to be me."_

Ethan nods. "Ok. Ok. It might not seem like it, but that's a good start." He's got through to her. She's not indifferent anymore.

" _Or the beginning of the end._ " She whispers tearfully. We reach the car park. "I half expected you to be carted off in chains by now." She comments.

"Yeah." Ethan sighs. "Look we both know that Scott shouldn't have died..."

" _98_ " Connie cuts him off. He looks at her questioningly. "The number of people who've died in my care." She explains bitterly. " _98"_

"You _counted_?" Ethan asks in surprise.

" _Every single one of them._ " She sniffs again. "It makes me wish I'd counted the ones I did save."

They stop behind her car, and Grace and I have to hot-foot it down the side to hide behind a plant, before they see us.

"You know, what you did in resus was _remarkable_ – really. You'd make a good clinical lead if you put yourself to it." That is high praise indeed from Connie Beauchamp – and I can't help wishing that she'd said it to _me._ "Just think, one day..." She adds, gesturing around her. "...all this could be yours..."

" _Is this a scene from the Lion King?_ " Ethan quips as Grace sniggers beside me.

Connie responds with a chuckle – and for the first time since we arrived, she seems genuinely happy for a moment and it takes years off. It's not one of the 'painted' smiles that we all reserve for the patient's benefit, when we're trying to reassure them.

"If I _don't_ hand myself in..." Ethan adds as Connie goes to open her car door. "Would you get help?" He finishes as she turns back to him.

"Blackmail. Oh." She retorts. "You could _definitely_ be clinical lead."

"Mrs Beauchamp, what are you so afraid of?" Ethan asks quietly.

Connie seems to consider the question for a minute. "Oh, just like everyone else, I suppose – dying alone."

Grace and I catch our breath as Ethan answers fervently, "That's _not_ going to happen."

Connie smiles weakly. "My daughter and her father live thousands of miles away, and that's who I _really_ want." She opens her car door. "Maybe it's my own fault for pushing them away, but... _I am alone._ " I feel Grace move next to me and I have to put my arm out to stop her from running to her Mum.

" _You promised!_ " She mouths at me.

" _Just wait."_ I mouth back, silently pleading with her.

We watch Connie get in her car, before turning back to Ethan. "Oh, if you dare mention to anyone that I was _scared_..." She states in her normal tone. "I won't hesitate to push you in front of a moving ambulance and make it look like an accident."

Grace sniggers. "That's _so_ like Mum!" She whispers.

Ethan laughs. "Yeah, - I'm sure you would!"

Connie smirks and closes the car door.

" _Now._ " I whisper. " _\- wait til I've opened the door._ " I round the plant and open the passenger door as Connie starts the engine. She looks stunned as I pick up her handbag and sit down, taking my cap off.

" _Have I entered a parallel universe?!_ " She retorts.

"Hi" I grin cheekily.

She looks even more stunned when the back door opens and Grace gets in – though not as stunned as Ethan, who Grace has just skipped past.

"Hi Mummy, I missed you _so_ much!" Grace giggles happily, putting her hand on Connie's shoulder.

Connie squeezes her hand. "I missed you too, sweetie. You'll have to give me a _big_ hug when we get home."

" _Can I?_ " I ask – my voice suddenly coming out an octave higher than I expected.

She looks at me in surprise. " _If you want._ " She mutters. She glances in the rear-view mirror. "Put your belt on, sweetheart." Grace obediently pulls the door shut and puts her belt on.

As Connie reverses out of her parking space, I can't help gazing at her in _that_ way – the way she loves and hates in equal measure. I'm not doing it to annoy her – and she _did_ say that she wanted me.

Connie sighs. " _Sam – stop looking at me like that!"_ She complains. "It's very _distracting_ and I'm trying to _drive_!"

"Sorry." I mutter – trying to avert my eyes. "I just want to know what's wrong with you."

She sighs again. "I _really_ don't want to talk about it in the car, ok? - so can we just wait til we get home, please."

"Ok." I agree.

"Yes – _ok_." Grace says loudly from the back. "But I'm not going into a different room whilst you have a _'Mum and Dad' chat_. I want to know too."

"Yes darling." Connie agrees. "Now – exactly how _long_ have you been here – because I've noticed that you don't appear to have any luggage!"

"We arrived this morning and dropped our bags at the hotel – Charlie was _worried_ about you and I needed to see for myself." I mutter.

" _We've been hiding all day!_ " Grace blurts out. "Daddy said it was _'necessary'!"_

" _'Necessary'_?" Connie repeats, eyeing Grace in the rear-view mirror. "Well, _Daddy_ has always fancied himself as the next _James Bond!_ " She retorts.

Grace giggles – and then something occurs to me.

"James Bond in a _baseball cap_?" I remark indignantly.

"I said that you _fancy yourself as the next James Bond_ – not that you _are_ him!" She points out. "I can't see _any_ likeness, myself."

"We're both _tall, dark and handsome._ " I announce – pleased with myself for having an answer.

Grace sniggers. "Is there something you want to tell us, Daddy?"

"Like what?"

Connie smirks as we stop at traffic lights. "I think your daughter's asking you if you're gay, Sam."

I look around at Grace – who's also smirking at me. " _What?_ "

"Well, you _did_ just describe another man as _'tall, dark and handsome'_ " Connie chuckles as the traffic starts moving again.

"Oh." I mutter – feeling my face go red. I should be used to my 'smart' answers back-firing. When we had that 'secret' encounter in the cupboard – _the one that 'didn't really happen_ ', Connie asked if I had a problem working under her – and my 'smart' answer came out wrong – _'I don't have a problem being under you'_ was never going to escape Connie's notice - so that back-fired as well. It's often that way with Connie – and Grace is like a _'mini'_ version of her. It's _uncanny!_

I turn back to Grace. "I fancy your _Mum_ – ok?"

I see Connie raise her eyebrows in amusement as our daughter comments, " _Ew_ , Daddy!" in a highly unimpressed voice, before looking out the window.

"I'll go and get Gracie's case from the hotel later – I'm sure she'd _rather_ stay at yours." I offer.

"Yes, Daddy – I _would_!" Grace answers excitedly.

"That sounds _really_ nice." Connie says softly – she hesitates. "You could stay with me too – _if you want to?_ " She adds. "I could do with some company."

"Ok." I agree, delighted that she's letting me in.

As soon as we get into the hall and shut the door, Grace envelopes her Mum in the huge hug she promised. I suddenly realise that I'm gazing at Connie again. She notices to, and motions at me to come nearer, and when I do, she pulls me into the hug.

"Go and sit down., I'll make some tea." Connie eventually says.

We go into the the living room – but presently, Grace and I decide to go and help make the tea. When we go into the kitchen, Connie is gripping the edge of the table – trying to catch her breath as the kettle boils in the background.

"Hey – _easy._ " I coo softly. "Here – sit down." I pull out a chair and guide her into it, whilst Grace brings her a glass of water.

" _Thank...you._ " Connie gasps, sipping the water.

I motion to Grace and we both sit down. "Connie, after what I've seen today, I have a pretty good _idea_ of what's going on."

" _You do?!_ " Grace exclaims indignantly.

Connie's breathing has eased now and she looks _equally_ surprised.

I sigh. "Connie, I'm a Cardiothoracic surgeon." I point out – echoing my words from our argument in the cupboard – _the situation that never occurred_ , though my tone gentler this time. "I know the signs. Your heart's not working properly – is it?"

Connie looks away from me and shakes her head. "Gracie, could you get my bag for me please, sweetie?"

"Yes, Mummy." Grace responds and gets up.

"You're a _good doctor,_ Sam." Connie whispers softly as Grace comes back in.

"I learnt from the best." I answer. Grace hands Connie her bag. "Your Mum taught me _everything_ I know." I tell Grace enthusiastically, as Connie roots around in her bag. She finally finds what she's looking for and pulls out her i-pad. She holds it out to me.

"Daddy?" Grace whispers over my shoulder. " _Is it bad?_ "

I examine the scans on the screen. " _Heart tumour.._." I mutter. "... _signs of malignancy_..." I look up. "You can have surgery to remove the tumour."

"Heart surgery's _risky_ , Sam – you know that!" Connie murmurs looking away again.

I reach over and move her chin to look at me again. There are tears in her eyes. She didn't want us to see that she crying. "It's more risky not to have it, Con." I tell her gently.

" _Please Mummy."_ Grace whispers. "We need you to _try_."

Connie slowly nods.

"We're right here, Con." I whisper. " _Always._ "


End file.
